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Funeral Services
There are many different types of funeral and memorial options to consider today, and the way we say our final farewell to a loved one can create a space for grief, healing, and remembrance. Each decision can be informed by faith, cultural beliefs, budget, local laws, and of course the wishes of the deceased.
Where to start
The first things you need to decide when planning a funeral is what type of funeral it should be, who should lead it, and what your budget is. The answers to these questions partly inform each other.
The type of funeral is informed by how the body should be cared for and disposed of following death, which is usually determined by spiritual and cultural beliefs, the laws of the country in question, and the associated costs. In the UK, this general falls into three categories:
• Burial - often chosen this for religious, spiritual, or cultural beliefs.
• Cremation - can also be belief-based, but generally more flexible and affordable than burials.
• Direct Cremation - when the body is taken to the crematorium without any funeral ceremony.
Once you know what type of funeral you need to organise, the particulars of what should take place and who should lead it become clearer. Religious and traditional funerals tend to be led by a religious leader such as a priest or monk, or a member of the deceased's family within the same faith. Alternative and secular funerals tend to be held by a Civil Celebrant. In both cases, a Funeral Director might also be appointed to help with certain arrangements.
Funerals range in price and can be expensive, with the average falling around £5k in the UK today. So, it's important to know your budget as you start to fill in the details, such as burial or cremation, type of casket, transport needs, flower arrangements etc. This is where a Funeral Director can be really helpful, but they too will come with costs.
Read on to learn about the role of a Funeral Director, plus more on Celebrants and the different types of funerals.
A Funeral Director (FD) arranges for the care of the deceased in many different ways. They help to arrange funeral services and can assist with everything involved from moving, storing, and disposing the body. A Funeral Director is generally able to do as much or as little as requested of them, so when appointing one, be clear with how much you would like them to be involved. You might just want them to handle the legal and more unfamiliar matters such as collecting and storing the body, or you might want them to help organise everything down to the last detail. While there's no legal obligation to appoint a Funeral Director, they are an invaluable source of knowledge and support during what can be an incredibly stressful and confusing time. Here are some of the ways that a Funeral Director can help:
• Meeting the bereaved and offering support and guidance
• Organising the funeral and memorial arrangements
• Attending to call outs and collections
• Sometimes caring for and preparing the body
• Assist with viewings such as in a Chapel of Rest
• Administrative tasks such as banking, donations, and flower arrangements
• Provide professional advice through legal processes such as registering the death and completing documentation.
Find a Funeral Director at the websites below.
https://www.nafd.org.uk/
https://saif.org.uk/
https://www.greenfd.org.uk/
A Celebrant is a person who is qualified to officiate any formal ceremony, such as a wedding, funeral, or memorial. Celebrants are a popular choice for secular or less religious services funerals. They can include some religious or spiritual elements though, and they tend to specialise in specific types of services, such as funerals for a child, or for a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Here are some of the ways that a Funeral Celebrant can help:
• Meeting the bereaved and offering support and guidance
• Organising a meaningful funeral and memorial service
• Crafting the programme, speech, reading, or eulogy
• Leading the service and incorporating the deceased's wishes
• Creating an emphasis on celebration instead of mourning
• Making sure the family and loved ones feel involved
• Delivering a less religious or semi-spiritual service
• Delivering a Humanist (non-spiritual) service
Find a Celebrate at the websites below.
https://independentcelebrants.com/
https://www.iocf.org.uk/
https://humanists.uk/
Planning a funeral can feel overwhelming, particularly if you are grieving or dying. The following drop-downs take you through the first things that you need to consider and how to start making decisions.
Types of funerals
Funerals that are part of an organised faith tend to involve various traditions and rituals led by a priest or other type of religious official. Visit our Different Faiths (https://michellelumiere.wixsite.com/my-site-1-1/faith)page to learn what these might be. It is always advisable to contact the local branch or place of worship of the relevant faith to seek their support and potentially appoint their leader to deliver the service.
Traditional funerals have a structure which could include entry rituals, music, speakers, reflection, and committal. They are usually held in a funeral home, church, graveside, or crematorium. They provide a rhythm and shape that we recognise, which can be comforting. There is usually a viewing, followed by a service, then the burial or cremation, and finally the wake.
Alternative funerals range from secular (non-religious), to part spiritual, or spiritual but in an alternative way to the customs of organised faiths. They can also include Humanist funerals, which are devoid of any sort of spiritual association. With alternative funerals, you have a lot more choice over venue, location, and culture, and there is more room for creativity. They are usually led by a Celebrant who can accommodate the particular themes required, or a family member or close friend.
Green funerals (extreme) leaves no trace behind, and when considering this options, remember to consider the deep seated spiritual and psychological needs people have to memorialise a life somehow. These funerals reject cremation and flowers, and opt for burial in a site serving conservation which is not always visibly definable. The coffin is natural/sustainable or with an organic shroud. The grave may be hand-dug, and these funerals forbid demarcation and tending to a grave. They also discourage visits unless on foot.
Green funerals (non extreme) include a natural burial and are useful to plants. The body is buried at a depth where decomposition will be cold, slow and mostly anaerobic (absence of free oxygen). They don’t allow marking or delineation of plot. The position of the grave is legally recorded though. It’s the entire place that stands as a memorial to the dead.
DIY/Home Funerals are legal in the UK as long as they follow certain protocols. While you don’t need official permission to burry someone on your own land, it's advisable to notify DEFRA (https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/department-for-environment-food-rural-affairs)to ensure the location is appropriate and seek their guidance on local laws and policies. For instance, the body must be located 100 metres away from any borehole, spring, or well, and 10 meters from a ditch, drain or watercourse. It is advised that the burial is marked on the property deeds, and the value of the property can go down as a result. Before you go ahead with this, you should check any covenants and bylaws preventing burial on the land in question and you should notify the local police and council. It's almost to understand that any future owners of the property may have the right to exhume the body if they wish. Loved ones of the deceased would also have to seek permission from any new owners to visit the site in the future.
A burial at sea is the process in which human remains are committed to the sea as a final resting place. A marine licence is required from the Marine Management Organisation (MMO) for a burial at sea in English waters or Northern Irish offshore waters. There are three designated burial at sea locations, which are:
• off The Needles, Isle of Wight
• between Hastings and Newhaven
• off Tynemouth, North Tyneside
You don’t need a licence or permission to scatter ashes at sea after a cremation.
There are a range of alternative options for body disposal beyond burial and cremation, but these are only available if instructed by the deceased person when they were still alive. These include:
• Donation of the body to medical science to be dissected by students. This will delay disposal for up to five years.
• Cryonic preservation: keeping the body frozen in liquid nitrogen until medical science can find a way of reviving it.
• Plastination: a process whereby water is drawn out of the body and replaced by polymers which set hard, after which it is posted and displayed in a Bodyworlds exhibition – see https://bodyworlds.com/(https://bodyworlds.com/)
• Resomation – where the body is wrapped in organic, biodegradable materials and positioned in water. Water cremation combines water and alkali-based solution, which speeds up the natural process the body goes through at the end of life, reducing the impact upon the environment. See www.resomation.com(http://www.resomation.com/)
• Promession – Freeze-drying. The body is place in a chamber and cryogenically frozen and vibration disintegrates into particles within minutes, the dry powder is then placed in a biodegradable casket and interred in top layers of soil where anaerobic bacteria decomposes the remains into humus (in soil science-compost).
• Composting - is on the near horizon in Belgium and the United States. See https://www.recompose.life/(https://www.recompose.life/)
From religious ceremonies to green funerals, today it is possible to accommodate most wishes for a funeral and memorial service depending on local laws. Read on to learn about the different styles and what you may need to consider.
Other things to consider
A vigil or wake, also known as a funeral reception, is a special time for family and friends to come together and mourn at an event that is separate to the actual funeral service. In many cultures and faiths, these tend to take place before the funeral in either the family's home or a place of worship. The body of the deceased is sometimes present in an open casket for loved ones to grieve and say their final goodbyes. There may be readings, prayer, meditation, singing, music, and shared reflection, and there are often flowers and candles along with a picture of the deceased. At more religious vigils or wakes, a priest or monk may lead with prayer and readings. At a Catholic vigil, for instance, it's tradition for the rosary to be recited and readings from the Bible.
These days, wakes or funeral receptions are equally common after the funeral, as they mark the beginning of a longer grieving period once the body is gone or put to rest. These are usually less formal events and an opportunity for loved ones to spend more time together after the funeral service and collectively reflect on their loss. This final gathering can provide a much needed space for support and healing.
Unlike funerals and wakes, a memorial service can take place weeks or even months after someone has died and the body of the deceased is not present. There are no rules with memorial services, so people can be very creative with the particulars, and they are usually held somewhere that has significance to the deceased or their family.
Memorial services can be similar to a funeral service or wake, often including several of the same features such as music, readings, candles, and pictures of the deceased. They are particularly common for a death that has emotionally impacted a larger number of people beyond the immediate family. In such cases, a memorial service enables the family to create a remembrance space for a broader community of mourners who wish to come together and commemorate the deceased. Memorial services can also be held every year on the anniversary of the death.
Some great website resources for funeral considerations include:
- www.onlywithlove.co.uk(http://www.onlywithlove.co.uk/)
- http://www.homefuneralnetwork.org.uk/(http://www.homefuneralnetwork.org.uk/)
- www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk(http://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/)
Alternatively, visit our Directory (https://michellelumiere.wixsite.com/my-site-1-1/directory-uk)for more contacts.
Depending on your culture and beliefs, there may be other activities that you wish to organise around a funeral service to create a further space for remembrance.
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