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Grief & Bereavement
Grieving the loss of a loved one or facing the end of your own life can be one of the hardest human experiences to endure. Feeling overwhelmed is natural, but you're not alone. There are many support services for every type of grief, and we're here to make sure you're connected with the right ones for you.
Coping with grief
Grief support services are not just for the bereaved. As a dying person, you may experience grief as you face the end of your life, such as grieving your former, healthier self, the loved ones you will leave behind, and grieving any life experiences you never got to fulfil or can't fulfil again.
While traditional grief counselling and therapy may be helpful for you, a Death Doula is a unique and special type of support worker who is specifically there to support your end of life journey. They can offer you many ways to reflect on your life and find comfort as you move through the different stages of dying. This could include writing letters to loved ones and organising activities that would bring you comfort towards the end. Visit End of Life Doula UK (https://eol-doula.uk/)for more information.
Grieving a loved one is an emotional experience like no other. No matter the circumstances or relationship type, if you have lost somebody you care about, there are many bereavement support services to help you through your unique and personal experience. This could come in the form of:
• Grief counselling / therapy
• Grief cafes (where people meet in a chosen cafe to connect with others who are grieving)
• Grief festivals (public festivals held to celebrate or discuss grief matters on a larger scale)
• Online forums & apps
• Art and music therapy
Visit our directory (https://michellelumiere.wixsite.com/my-site-1-1/directory-uk)and select Bereavement Support to search for organisations relating to your specific type of bereavement, or stay on this page and read on where you will find more information and links to organisations who specialise in different types of loss.
This is when you are grieving before your loved one has died, which is very natural when facing a longterm or degenerative illness. In these circumstances, a dying person can change or seem so distant months or even years ahead of their final moment. So, the grieving process starts way before the actual death occurs. This can be a tense and confusing experience, with feelings of loss, denial, hope, repeatedly shattered hope, relief, guilt, frustration and more mixed into one. If you are experiencing anticipatory grief, just know that everything you are feeling is natural, and that you are not alone. Here are some organisations who provide support for anticipatory grief:
https://www.rainbowtrust.org.uk/support-for-families/expert-advice/anticipatory-grief
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/anticipatory-grief/
https://www.mndassociation.org/support-and-information/for-carers/bereavement-support
While grief and bereavement are a distressing experience for all, those early debilitating feelings of shock and despair do tend to gradually ease over time, as life after loss starts to resume.
For some people, however, those debilitating feelings persist and recovery from the heartache seems impossible. While the different stages of grief are unique to each individual, a sense of general acceptance does eventually arrive and enable the quality of life to return. When this doesn't happen, or show any signs of starting to happen, and a person finds themselves trapped in a state of prolonged grief, this is known as Complicated Grief, or Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder. In these cases, the painful emotions of grief are so long lasting and damaging, they prevent the griever from being able to resume any sort of normal daily life.
It's essential to get professional support in these cases. Charities that provide this in the UK include:
https://assisttraumacare.org.uk/our-service/traumatic-bereavement/
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/complicated-grief/
https://www.rethink.org/help-in-your-area/services/community-support/surrey-support-after-suicide-service/what-is-traumatic-or-complicated-grief/
https://bcsplymouth.co.uk/
Grief doesn't always have to be a solitary experience, or even stop at the immediate family and friendship group. Sometimes, especially when a person of particular influence has died, or if there has been a public crisis such as a terrorist attack, large scale accident, or a natural disaster, an entire community can be grieving at the same time. In these circumstances, there is usual a central point of contact, often advertised by mainstream news, where people can collate for additional information or seek support services such as crisis counsellors. Coming together with other survivors of a collective or social bereavement can be an opportunity for unique healing and connection. Here are some organisations that specialise in this type of support service:
https://survivorsagainstterror.org.uk/
https://nationalemergenciestrust.org.uk/
https://www.redcross.org.uk/
https://www.refugee-action.org.uk/
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/grieving-celebrities/
Grief is a deeply personal experience that is unique to each individual. There are many different types of grief, and the experience can be shaped, exacerbated, and prolonged by many factors. Read on to learn more and access support.
Different bereavements
A miscarriage is when a baby dies in the womb in the first 24 weeks of pregnancy. When a baby dies in the womb after 24 weeks or during birth, it is called a stillbirth. Prenatal deaths and still births are a devastating experience. When women suffer this type of bereavement, there can be physical and emotional trauma, making the sense of grief and loss complex and widely varied. The experience can be affected by a range of factors, such as whether this was a first miscarriage or not, whether there were hardships in getting pregnant, how close to full term the baby was before it died, and more. If you have been affected by this type of loss, charities such as Tommy's (https://www.tommys.org)and those below offer a wide range of support services that can help you.
https://www.sands.org.uk/
https://www.lilymaefoundation.org
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
Losing a newborn baby or very young infant is one of the most traumatic and unnatural experiences a parent can ever endure. These type of losses are unthinkable, so when they happen, it can throw mothers and fathers into a world of complex grief, often causing couples to fall apart as their shared pain is so hard to overcome. These types of bereavement can be from an illness in the child's short life, or through a sudden unexpected health issue, or from a tragic accident. There are a range of specialist charities who provide support for each of these different experiences, including the baby loss charity Petals,(https://petalscharity.org) the Scottish Cot Death Trust,(https://scottishcotdeathtrust.org) and those below:
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk
https://4louis.co.uk/
https://www.sayinggoodbye.org/
Losing your child to any circumstances is devastating beyond words. No matter the age, when parents lose a child it can turn their entire world upside down and the sense of loss can be debilitating and long lasting. From illness to accident, violence to suicide, few experiences are as painful as seeing a child or young person's life come to an early end. There are a range of charities who provide different support services for parents in this position, such as The Compassionate Friends,(https://www.tcf.org.uk/) and the following:
https://anamcara.ie/
https://www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk
https://www.2wish.org.uk/
https://slowgroup.co.uk/
https://familiesingrief.org/
Losing mum or dad can be devastating no matter the age of the children or parents. Young children losing a parent can feel particularly unnatural, as the sense of loss stretches right into their future, with the effects often lasting a lifetime. If a child was particularly dependent on the parent who died, the grieving experience can affect their schooling, behavioural development, and self-confidence for years to come, so it is essential that young children bereaved of a parent are well supported by their surviving caregiver. That said, losing a parent later in life when they are elderly and the bereaved children are adults with lives of their own can still be devastating and complex, as there is no bond more significant than the parent-child bond. Only the bond with a grandparent can sometimes compare, as in some families grandparents can become the primary caregiver or play an equally significant role. Here are a range of charities who provide specialist support for the loss of a parent or grandparent, either for a child or an adult child:
www.winstonswish.org
https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/i-have-lost-a/parent/
https://www.apartofme.app/
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/losing-a-parent/
Losing a sibling can be a deeply personal loss at any age. The bond between siblings can forge unique, lifelong relationships, so when one dies, an irreplaceable void can be left. Here are some charities that specialise in sibling bereavement, such as the Sibling Grief Club,(https://siblinggriefclub.com/) including some specifically for twins:
https://www.siblingsupport.co.uk/
https://twinstrust.org/bereavement.html
https://lonetwinnetwork.org.uk
https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk
Losing your partner or spouse, whether you are married, engaged, cohabiting, or a new girlfriend and boyfriend, is a type of loss that cannot be compared to or easily understood by those who haven't experienced a similar bereavement. People in loving relationships tend to share a huge portion of their daily routine and life plans together, from sexual intimacy to family planning, to travelling, working, socialising, leisure, cohabiting, and coparenting. Loving partners can also depend on each other deeply for emotional, financial, and even in some cases physical support. Losing the person that you decided to share your life with can leave a void so huge, it can feel as though your own life has ended too. Your entire life trajectory can change, and this type of loss can make you feel more alone, isolated, and vulnerable than many other types of bereavement. For one, you are suddenly back to adulting alone, which can be a daunting new reality for those who have been in a relationship for a long time. Regardless of the circumstance surrounding the bereavement, or the length of the relationship, your grief is unique to you, and there are many organisations who can support you:
https://widowsempowerment.com/
https://www.switchboard.org.uk/what-we-do/grief-project/
https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk
https://www.thenewnormalcharity.com/meetings/partner-loss
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/coping-death-partner/
https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment
The loss of a pet can be equally as devastating as the loss of a human. In the UK, our animals are often as dear to us as any human family member. Despite this, there can still be some stigma attached to grieving an animal, and sometimes people can feel embarrassed to express their grief or ask for support in the same way they might if they were grieving a human. We are huge animal lovers at the Mortality Alliance, and we are here to assure you that no amount of grieving for your animal loved one is too much, or something to suppress. In fact, today there exists entire counselling specialisms and books dedicated to pet loss. There are also many organisations who provide support services for pet loss and animal bereavement, such as the following:
https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss
https://www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/grief/paws-to-listen
https://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/pets/bereavement
https://www.cruse.org.uk/about/blog/pet-loss/
Grief is very much influenced by the love between the griever and the dying or the deceased, and the circumstances surrounding the death. Here we have described and listed resources for some of the most painful bereavements.
Other forms of loss
A sudden death can come in several different forms, each with unique and traumatic circumstances that can leave the bereaved feeling paralysed with shock and confusion. Here are the main ways a person can die suddenly and unexpectedly.
• Health Issue: This can include a heart attack, brain aneurysm, or a rapid decline from some other unknown illness in adults or infants. Specialist support charities include Sudden Cardiac Arrest UK (https://www.suddencardiacarrestuk.org)and The Brain Aneurysm Foundation.(https://www.bafound.org) For sudden infants death, visit SANDS (https://www.sands.org.uk)and the Lullaby Trust.(https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/)
• Accident: This can include dying in a road collision, drowning, being killed in a workplace incident, or any other accidental death. A specialist support charity includes SCARD (https://www.scard.org.uk)(support and care after road death and injury).
• Violence: Dying from an act of violence can include being murdered, being the victim of manslaughter, or dying in a violent conflict such as a serving soldier might. Specialist support charities includes SAMM (https://samm.org.uk)(support after murder or manslaughter) and Victim Support's National Homicide Service.(https://www.victimsupport.org.uk) There is also SSAFA (https://www.ssafa.org.uk/get-help/military-families/bereavement-support-groups)(the Armed Forces charity) who provide a range of different support services for the loss of serving or veteran members of the Armed Forces.
• Suicide: This is when a person intentionally takes their own life. The UK Government reported 5,057 deaths by suicide in England alone between December 2022 and February 2024, out of which 3,728 (73.7%) were men, and 1,329 (26.3%) were women. Specialist support charities include Suicide Bereavement UK (https://suicidebereavementuk.com)and Survivors of Bereavement Through Suicide.(https://uksobs.com) The above mentioned Armed Forces charity SSAFA (https://www.ssafa.org.uk/get-help/military-families/bereavement-support-groups)also provide support for families of members of the Armed Forces affected by suicide. If you are reading this and need to talk to someone about your own mental health, please contact the Samaritans (https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/)24/7 free support line on 116 123.
Lastly, there are some sudden deaths in either adults or infants that cannot be explained by any underlying health issue or known cause. Read the next drop-down section for different types of unexplained deaths and their associated specialist support charities.
There are sadly some cases when a person dies suddenly and unexpectedly, but the cause cannot be identified. These cases can be amongst some of the most devastating bereavements, as they can leave a level of confusion and unanswered questions that can feel impossible to heal from. Sudden unexplained deaths include:
• Sudden Unexplained Adult Death Syndrome: When an adult dies suddenly and unexpectedly but no underlying health problem is later identified as the cause of death. This can include Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome (SADS), when someone dies suddenly following a cardiac arrest but no obvious cause is found. A specialist support charity includes SADS UK.(https://www.sadsuk.org.uk)
• Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC): The same tragedy as above but for a child between the ages of 1 and 18. A specialist support charity includes SUDC UK.(https://sudc.org.uk)
• Sudden Unexpected Death in Infancy (SUDI): The sudden and unexpected death of a baby when there is no apparent cause of death. This also includes sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) and fatal sleep accidents in babies. Specialist support charities include The Lullaby Trust (https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/)and the Scottish Cot Death Trust.(https://scottishcotdeathtrust.org/)
Losing a loved one to violence, such as a murder or an incident of manslaughter, is traumatic beyond words. The loss can feel senseless and unthinkable, leaving the bereaved reeling in shock, rage, devastation, and the need for justice. Families of loved ones who have been killed this way often feel utterly alone and that everybody's life has been destroyed by the perpetrator's actions. But while it may not feel like it, you are not alone.
There are specialist victim support groups and resources that can connect you with other families who have experienced such a similar tragedy. Specialist support charities includes SAMM (https://samm.org.uk/)(support after murder or manslaughter) and Victim Support's National Homicide Service.(https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/)
Grieving a missing person can be a complex experience and an emotional rollercoaster. When a person is missing, there is no closure to enable the grieving process to start. Even if your loved one has remained missing for years, or you have been told their death is likely, or the authorities are no longer investigating the case, there may be a part of you that doesn't feel ready to give up hope. This can naturally prevent feelings of grief, but at the same time, you may get moments when grief suddenly hits you, then goes away again. You may also feel yourself grieving in different ways. Rather than grieving the death of a missing loved one, you may experience feelings of grief over the life you once shared with them, as even without confirmation of what happened to them, your former life with them will have ended with time. There are also cases when an investigation supplies enough evidence to confirm a missing loved one is no longer alive, but their body is never found or able to be retrieved. In these cases, the lack of a body for a funeral service can leave a feeling of prolonged numbness and an inability to find closure and healing. There are a number of specialist organisations who support the families of missing people, including the aptly named Missing People (https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/get-help/help-services/emotional-help)charity and the Missing Person's Unit (https://missingpersons.police.uk/en-gb/home)of the UK police service.
Losing a loved one to suicide is one of the most devastating and complicated bereavements a family can experience. There are so many different and complex layers of grief when a person takes their own life. Feelings can range from devastation and shock, to anger and blame, to guilt, numbness, and more. The grieving process can feel like an emotional rollercoaster with no end in sight, and families can completely fall apart in the aftermath.
We would always advise a family affected by suicide to seek professional help and not to try to face it alone. Specialist support charities include Suicide Bereavement UK (https://suicidebereavementuk.com/)and Survivors of Bereavement Through Suicide.(https://uksobs.com/)
Some circumstances are so rare, unique, or upsetting, they may evoke an additional layer of trauma to an already traumatic loss. People who have endured these type of bereavements often feel the most alone, but we are here to change that.
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